They're good for sending us into rapid meltdown spirals, for challenging our sense of personal identity, and for making it socially acceptable to be a straight up hot mess once in a while. If all you want to do is pop a bottle of $6 Riesling and jam out to Shake It Off in your underwear by yourself, the world won't judge you too harshly. It's nice. As twenty-somethings, we live in this beautifully chaotic limbo-land where the definitive line between responsibly accepting adulthood and allowably getting drunk four nights a week is extremely blurred. Can we do both? Is that a thing?
This transition approaches at warp speed, accompanied by the inevitable challenge of establishing our own definitions of happiness, and then proceeding to pursue accordingly. Generally speaking, our generation (along with many before us) has been taught from a young age the perfect formula for personal fulfillment and happiness:
Step 1: Go to school and study hard.
Step 2: Say no to sex, say no to drugs. And alcohol. And loud music. And fast cars. And cuss words. SAY NO TO EVERYTHING ACTUALLY
Step 3: Earn a college degree, but not in something lazy like art. That garbage will get you nowhere.
Step 4: Get married to someone smart and attractive. And of the opposite sex, of course.
Step 5: Have kids, but not too many. Proceed to indoctrinate them with steps 1-4.
*Disclaimer: My intention is not to insult anyone's parenting style (I promise, Mom). The list above simply illustrates the conceptualization and establishment of modern social standards.
We all know life has never been that simple, but the onset of the 21st century has only made the painfully abstract idea of happiness and success more convoluted. In a way, young people have been blessed with more freedom of opportunity than ever. The flip side presents us with the intimidation factor of total sensory overload. If there are so many options to choose from, how can I be sure if I've made the right choice? Deciding on a career path, for example... Taking on that challenge is met with the debilitating pressure of achieving a fine balance between personal fulfillment and financial stability.
I'm an artist. Say someone told me, "Hey Lauren, I'll give you $1 million every year for the rest of your life if you just spend all your time painting, brewing exotic coffee, and waltzing around butt ass naked to Ellie Goulding's latest album." Um hello, I would ignore the oddly creepy nature of the question and shake on it. Done.
Unfortunately, that's not exactly how the cookie crumbles.
Inherent human nature inevitably drives us to seek the new, the exciting, and the better. It seems that we are never truly satisfied, which tends to motivate some kind of change. We rationalize our dissatisfaction by imagining our lives differently. If this, then that. Right?
If I made a little more money...
...then I could afford a nicer apartment.
If I lost twenty pounds...
...then people would respect me.
If I weren't single...
...then I wouldn't feel so alone.
I won't pretend to be an expert on happiness, but I have learned some stuff. There's this amazing thing called perception, which has such an powerful impact on how we feel at the end of every day. Example: If we receive rush hour traffic as a universal inconvenience and overall pain in the ass, we will automatically find ourselves in a terrible mood every time we experience it. I know, being flipped off by some angry fool in a jacked up Jeep with too many politically confrontational bumper stickers is never fun. But! Anticipating the road rage madness ahead of time and perceiving it more positively can have a truly profound effect.
I'm so glad I live in 2014 and don't have to ride a horse to work. Cars are great!
Boy, this sure has given me time to try out Tina Fey's new book on audio... That snarky lady cracks me up.
Look how blue the sky is today. I never would have noticed that spoon-shaped cloud if I had been driving 80 miles an hour.
So Lauren, how the hell do you expect me to be grateful for all this asphalt jackassery?
Don't worry, I don't. The idea is to remain forward thinking and positive, and remember that in 45 minutes you'll be leaned back with a Sam Adams and some good old fashioned cat videos. Enjoy the fact that you have a functioning automobile in the first place and keep your eye on the prize.
And how does this bad traffic metaphor have anything to do with my constant existential struggle for happiness and self actualization?
From what I can tell, the soul is a fragile thing. Perception of everyday situations has a cumulative effect on our general attitude toward life. If we spend all our time identifying negativity and speculating on how things might be without it, there will always be pessimism and dissatisfaction. Some years will go by, we'll look in the mirror and find frown lines instead of crow's feet. Grumpiness is bad for the complexion, essentially.
Important side note: This argument is not to encourage settling for mediocrity. I am a firm believer in striving for high goals and reaping the rewards of hard work. Contentment is not synonymous with stagnation.
My mother has a thing for reciting positive affirmations aloud, and hangs them up all over her house. One in particular presents itself in the form of one of those cutesie, decorative, typographical Hobby Lobby signs:
As cheesy as that sign is, there is a very real truth to it. Everyone can benefit from the wisdom of accepting circumstances with gratitude, but learning to do so early in life is a real advantage. The transition into adulthood is crazy enough with all the seemingly massive decisions that need making. We can't be expected to achieve perfection in any department, and we especially should't define happiness based on someone else's standards. The beauty of now is having the freedom to feel content... not by losing those twenty pounds or picking up that next paycheck, but by perceiving each situation gracefully and enjoying the time you have to simply embrace the journey.
Spoiler alert, this entire entry was mostly just a conversation with myself. Bonus points if anyone else benefits from it :)
Wander back,
Lauren
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